It has been almost two and a half months since my father's passing, and I am still struggling to find my bearings in this world without him. Despite his declining health over the last five years, I always held out hope that he would start to get better. I wanted so desperately for my presence and the presence of my children to provide the magic antidote that would help him recover. In his last few months, I visited him nearly everyday. I was endlessly frustrated by the inability to fix the problem and make things better, because I'm a problem solver and I like to make things right. I knew my father loved children, and I hoped my children being near would give him a reason to fight to get better. In the end, his body was too tired and his spirit longed to return Home, even the promise of my brother moving back couldn't keep him here in his suffering any longer.
While I am happy his suffering and misery has ended, there is a gaping hole in my life and a grief that knows no bounds and no end. My father was a constant in my life. No matter what I did, he always accepted me and loved me unconditionally. My father taught me to love music and science, to seek for the solutions to problems using the resources I had available to me, and to not be constrained by the usual methods of doing things. I was forever his little girl, even to his dying day. In his last days, before he lost the ability to speak, my mother told me he asked, at 5:00 am, "Where's my little girl?" How I wish I could have been there with him at that moment to answer, "Right here, Daddy." The frail, sick old man before me in those last days was not the reality of the father I knew. My father never stopped being the strong man who could fix just about anything in my eyes. Always the one to lend a helping hand, my father helped nearly every one who asked him, even those who were "too busy" to help him when he needed help in return. I know he wasn't perfect, no one is, but my father was honest, hard working, and kind, and will always be the first person I looked up to.
One of the things I find most saddening, is that, for spending nearly his whole life in one little community, dying where he was born, raised, and raised his own family, his death seems largely unnoticed in the community at large. Even amongst his own family, few of the extended family ever really got to know him. Even fewer of his neighbors and people in the area really knew him. The ones who did know him almost seemed to want to pretend they didn't. Knowing this, I find the condolences of many of these people to be rather hollow. I guess that's why he didn't want a funeral, just military rights at his grave. He never could stand the hypocrisy of people who condemned a person during his lifetime then sang his praises at his death. I guess I got that from him, too.
So, as I make my way through these endless mists in a forever darkness, attempting to recapture a sense of myself and my life, I think of my daddy with the profound, unwavering love of a child. The promises of being united with him in the next life seem to do little to alleviate the pain I feel and the longing to be with him now in this life. I try to be strong for my children, for my mother, and for my brother, but the pain and the sorrow and the tears are always there just waiting to burst forth. Some days are better than others. I'm trying to be the person he saw me as, the person he would want me to be. I know he would want me to be happy, and so I try. I'm trying to instill in my children a love for a man they had really only known for the last year, a man brought down with the weight of ongoing illness. I'm trying to give them a sense of the man he was before he got sick. He is always in my heart, and I will cherish his memory forever.
Saturday, August 08, 2015
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
Asynchronous Development and False Assumptions
I recently read of the frustrations of a mother and her highly, perhaps even profoundly, gifted son. (The boy reads at a second grade level, does addition and subtraction, etc.) The boy will be 3-years old within a month and hates to leave the house (and "freaks out" if the mother must take him somewhere) because of his fear that others do not treat him as though he is intelligent and capable. The mother admits that he knows he is intelligent and is treated as such by his family, and he is allowed to be his own authority, to some extent, in the home as long as he is responsible. No other details are provided about the situation. Having studied asynchronous development within the gifted population at some length, I was left pondering several questions and considering the false assumptions I have seen many adults make about gifted children. I am not saying this mother is making false assumptions about her son or their situation. She knows both intimately and not enough details were given to come to any firm conclusions. However, what I read did lead me down a certain path of thought.
When our little ones show precocity at an early age, it is easy to forget how young they really are. While the intellectual age of a child may be that of an 8-year old, his/her body is still that of a 3-year old. There are things s/he is still not physically able to do; that includes things that his/her brain is probably not able to do yet. Around the age of three is when most children start learning to self-regulate, that is to control their emotions and reactions to their experiences. As most parents know, 3-year olds are quite prone to tantrums and meltdowns. Imagine how difficult it must be to know that you know something when an adult is telling you that you can't possibly know that, and then not be able to control your frustration and anger to that situation. We all know as adults that it's hard to take another adult seriously if they're having a complete meltdown about something. How much harder is it to believe a young child when s/he is acting like a typical 3-year old while trying to convince you s/he has the intellect of an 8-year old?
I cannot say what this mother's situation is, but I have to wonder if this young child is emotionally ready to handle being given the level of autonomy alluded to without adverse unintended consequences. To delve into child development for a moment, the pre-frontal cortex of the brain, which controls executive functioning doesn't fully develop until around age 25. At 3, it is only beginning to develop, although there will be extensive development between the ages of 3-6. Executive functioning concerns such things as attention, self-regulation, working memory, reasoning, and problem solving. One of the hallmark characteristics of gifted children is that they almost always develop asynchronously. For that matter, most children develop with at least a slight degree of asynchronicity. Children who are intellectually advanced are not necessarily as advanced, or even advanced at all, emotionally. I knew a boy who was highly gifted intellectually, but his emotional and social level was actually below his chronological age. By age 10, he was working on advanced algebra and could read just about anything. However, he was also prone to throwing tantrums like a preschooler when things didn't go his way -- right down to laying on the ground kicking and screaming. He had difficulty making friends because he tended to have rather rigid, black-and-white thinking which made it difficult for him to accept that another person's point of view was just as valid as his own. Aside from some very basic choices (e.g., what clothes to wear, etc.), most parents would not consider a 3-year old mature enough to have "authority" over themselves. (Although, I must admit that I'm not entirely sure what this mother meant by that.) Intelligence aside, most preschool children have not had enough life experiences to allow them to make well thought out decisions. If we add in the inability to consistently regulate and control one's emotions and responses to situations, then it seems even less wise to allow such a young child to be "his own authority" to much of any extent. Which is not to say that you shouldn't ask the child's opinion and preferences, but in the end, the parent should still be calling the shots.
The other thing that occurred to me as I pondered this situation was that it reminded me of my own son. My son is also quite bright, and by age three he had become a master manipulator, especially where I was concerned. At certain times and in certain places, I have a very low tolerance for whining and tantrums. I'm also rather conflict avoidant, and I prefer not to make a scene in public. (As an aside, now that I have three children, I've gotten a lot better about this sort of thing.) My son very quickly figured out that in certain scenarios he could just about anything he wanted by throwing a fit. If I was a three-year old and my mother wanted to take me somewhere I didn't want to go, I'd pitch a fit, too. If the fit had to be to the level of "freaking out" to get what I wanted, well then, that's what I'd do. In a large part due to the fact that at age three, even very intelligent children are not necessarily developmentally mature enough to be able to see things from another person's point of view or to even realize that s/he is not the center of the universe. It generally takes until about age 5 or 6 before children realize that just because they can see something or know something it doesn't necessarily mean that other people can see or know those things. The mother mentioned that her son doesn't even like to go to the library because the librarians are always telling him "no". On one level this sounds like he doesn't fully grasp that his intelligence isn't blindingly obvious to the librarians. On another level, I find myself wondering what the librarians are saying "no" to. Has this child never been told no before? Or has he always gotten what he wanted? It would seem to me that if this boy was able to respond to this situation with the level of maturity that his mother seems to believe that he has, the librarians would eventually begin to accept that he is "intelligent and capable."
In the end, I wish this mother the best of luck. Gifted children are wonderful and often full of quirks. It makes them interesting people. I also think it would be wise for her to reassess the power dynamic within her family. For a child who is not quite three, this little boy seems to hold an awful lot of power within the family. This is a potential land mine better defused now than exploded later. I've met a large number of gifted children and gifted adults, as well as having been a gifted child myself. What I know from my own experience and having talked with these people is that all children, even gifted ones, are still children and want to have the same fun and sense of belonging as other children. It is an incredible disservice to all involved, but especially the child, to forget that he is still a child and still has many of the same needs as any other child his age.
When our little ones show precocity at an early age, it is easy to forget how young they really are. While the intellectual age of a child may be that of an 8-year old, his/her body is still that of a 3-year old. There are things s/he is still not physically able to do; that includes things that his/her brain is probably not able to do yet. Around the age of three is when most children start learning to self-regulate, that is to control their emotions and reactions to their experiences. As most parents know, 3-year olds are quite prone to tantrums and meltdowns. Imagine how difficult it must be to know that you know something when an adult is telling you that you can't possibly know that, and then not be able to control your frustration and anger to that situation. We all know as adults that it's hard to take another adult seriously if they're having a complete meltdown about something. How much harder is it to believe a young child when s/he is acting like a typical 3-year old while trying to convince you s/he has the intellect of an 8-year old?
I cannot say what this mother's situation is, but I have to wonder if this young child is emotionally ready to handle being given the level of autonomy alluded to without adverse unintended consequences. To delve into child development for a moment, the pre-frontal cortex of the brain, which controls executive functioning doesn't fully develop until around age 25. At 3, it is only beginning to develop, although there will be extensive development between the ages of 3-6. Executive functioning concerns such things as attention, self-regulation, working memory, reasoning, and problem solving. One of the hallmark characteristics of gifted children is that they almost always develop asynchronously. For that matter, most children develop with at least a slight degree of asynchronicity. Children who are intellectually advanced are not necessarily as advanced, or even advanced at all, emotionally. I knew a boy who was highly gifted intellectually, but his emotional and social level was actually below his chronological age. By age 10, he was working on advanced algebra and could read just about anything. However, he was also prone to throwing tantrums like a preschooler when things didn't go his way -- right down to laying on the ground kicking and screaming. He had difficulty making friends because he tended to have rather rigid, black-and-white thinking which made it difficult for him to accept that another person's point of view was just as valid as his own. Aside from some very basic choices (e.g., what clothes to wear, etc.), most parents would not consider a 3-year old mature enough to have "authority" over themselves. (Although, I must admit that I'm not entirely sure what this mother meant by that.) Intelligence aside, most preschool children have not had enough life experiences to allow them to make well thought out decisions. If we add in the inability to consistently regulate and control one's emotions and responses to situations, then it seems even less wise to allow such a young child to be "his own authority" to much of any extent. Which is not to say that you shouldn't ask the child's opinion and preferences, but in the end, the parent should still be calling the shots.
The other thing that occurred to me as I pondered this situation was that it reminded me of my own son. My son is also quite bright, and by age three he had become a master manipulator, especially where I was concerned. At certain times and in certain places, I have a very low tolerance for whining and tantrums. I'm also rather conflict avoidant, and I prefer not to make a scene in public. (As an aside, now that I have three children, I've gotten a lot better about this sort of thing.) My son very quickly figured out that in certain scenarios he could just about anything he wanted by throwing a fit. If I was a three-year old and my mother wanted to take me somewhere I didn't want to go, I'd pitch a fit, too. If the fit had to be to the level of "freaking out" to get what I wanted, well then, that's what I'd do. In a large part due to the fact that at age three, even very intelligent children are not necessarily developmentally mature enough to be able to see things from another person's point of view or to even realize that s/he is not the center of the universe. It generally takes until about age 5 or 6 before children realize that just because they can see something or know something it doesn't necessarily mean that other people can see or know those things. The mother mentioned that her son doesn't even like to go to the library because the librarians are always telling him "no". On one level this sounds like he doesn't fully grasp that his intelligence isn't blindingly obvious to the librarians. On another level, I find myself wondering what the librarians are saying "no" to. Has this child never been told no before? Or has he always gotten what he wanted? It would seem to me that if this boy was able to respond to this situation with the level of maturity that his mother seems to believe that he has, the librarians would eventually begin to accept that he is "intelligent and capable."
In the end, I wish this mother the best of luck. Gifted children are wonderful and often full of quirks. It makes them interesting people. I also think it would be wise for her to reassess the power dynamic within her family. For a child who is not quite three, this little boy seems to hold an awful lot of power within the family. This is a potential land mine better defused now than exploded later. I've met a large number of gifted children and gifted adults, as well as having been a gifted child myself. What I know from my own experience and having talked with these people is that all children, even gifted ones, are still children and want to have the same fun and sense of belonging as other children. It is an incredible disservice to all involved, but especially the child, to forget that he is still a child and still has many of the same needs as any other child his age.
Thursday, February 05, 2015
History at the Personal Level
I've always been interested in history, and although I have areas of history I find more interesting than others, I find it all interesting from world history down to the personal history of an individual. As a student of psychology, what I have discovered is that knowing the history of a person at all levels greatly enhances my understanding of that person and my ability to understand his or her perspective. Each of us views the world through our own personal lens which is shaped by our own unique history. Our personal histories are the culmination of the histories of the people around us in ever-widening circles until it encompasses the entire world. Just as the moon pulls on the tide, so the events of the world pull on each us to varying degrees.
Because I find history so interesting, I tend to gravitate towards readings, pictures, documentaries, and such about history. Recently, I've begun to bring history to the most personal level I know -- that of myself and my family. I have found it a fascinating and informative adventure looking through old photographs and reading the few life sketches available to me at present. As I have thought about what life was like for these people, I have also wondered about what these people were like. What were their personalities? Their likes and dislikes? Why did my grandfather never smile in pictures? This last made me wonder about what kinds of thoughts my grandfather might have had (I never knew him). Ultimately, I began to consider myself and my own personal history.
I began to think over the events of my life so far, particularly those of my childhood, and to contemplate how those events shaped my personality and who I am today. There are things which happened in my childhood that I remember vividly. Perhaps more importantly, there are thoughts and feelings I remember having that I know have had a tremendous impact on my life. Many of these are demons in the dark that I still struggle with. I have also learned things about my parents that I did not know as a child. With an adult's perspective, I can see how the things in their histories have played a part in making me who I am by making my parents who they are.
When I deal with someone who reacts to an event in a way I consider strange, out-of-proportion, or simply inexplicable, I find myself wondering what in this person's past might be causing this reaction. This same thought can be expand to groups, communities, cities, and even countries. Knowing history can give us a clearer view of the present. There is an old adage that says those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. Maybe we can all learn something about each other from our histories, and, in so doing, learn how to coexist a little more peacefully.
Monday, January 26, 2015
School Choice
This week is National School Choice Week. I am very much in favor of school choice. Not just being able to pick which public school your child attends, but being able to choose the method of education you think is the best fit for your child and your family, whether that be public school, charter school, private school, or home school. My own children have already had diverse experiences with this; the oldest is only seven. Currently, my oldest is enrolled at the local public elementary school because that is where she is able to get the services she needs right now. My second is enrolled at a local charter school; mostly because he wanted to give it a try and because it seemed like it might be a good learning environment for him at this point. Both were home schooled last year. My youngest is being home preschooled.
I've always believed in taking advantage of as many naturally occurring learning opportunities as I can. All of my children knew and were able to read all letters of the alphabet and numbers one through ten by the time they were two years old. They loved watching the LeapFrog videos, and we took advantage of that by giving them their own letters and numbers to play with (blocks, magnets, foam, etc.). Recently, the kids have been learning kitchen math. They are getting familiar with fractions as well as practicing addition, subtraction, and a bit of multiplication and division. They learn about plants and bugs playing out in the yard. My oldest has a strong interest in bugs especially. My three-year old loves to watch Dora and Diego and has become quite familiar with a number of different animal species. Granted, they don't cover all subject areas, but at this age, I like to let their interests direct them so that they continue to enjoy learning.
I have been very fortunate that my children all seem to have an aptitude for academics and an interest in them. As they've grown from toddlers to school-age children, their unique learning challenges have begun to surface. My oldest was a preemie and, as a result, has some significant motor skills delays. Writing is terribly difficult and tiring for her. She has sensory integration and processing difficulties which cause her to become easily distracted and bothered by the sights and sounds around her. I was very concerned about her ability to function in a normal classroom when she expressed a desire to attend school instead of continuing to home school this year. However, she has a kind and understanding teacher who has helped her learn to function in the classroom, and she is doing surprisingly well. In addition, she also receives various therapy services through the school that we were unable to afford privately. I was also concerned about her brother's ability and willingness to conform to classroom behavior when he decided he wanted to attend the charter school. He is very active, has difficulty not talking constantly, and is also easily distracted. His teacher has also been very successful at getting him to function in the classroom. Both kids are quite a bit ahead of their classmates academically, so their teachers are able to focus more on their behaviors knowing they can easily do their classwork.
I do still worry that if my children continue to attend school, they will become bored with the course work. I already see a little of that in my son, and he's only in kindergarten. I take comfort in knowing that when the time is right, we can begin to do full-time home school again. We have that choice. We are lucky to live in a place where we can home school without any interference from the government. However, there are dangers lurking on the horizon that threaten that freedom. Be ready and willing to fight for the right to choose how and where your children are educated. You are your child's best teacher and advocate. Know your options. Know your rights. Knowledge is power, and it is the best way to arm yourself against those who would take your rights away from you.
I've always believed in taking advantage of as many naturally occurring learning opportunities as I can. All of my children knew and were able to read all letters of the alphabet and numbers one through ten by the time they were two years old. They loved watching the LeapFrog videos, and we took advantage of that by giving them their own letters and numbers to play with (blocks, magnets, foam, etc.). Recently, the kids have been learning kitchen math. They are getting familiar with fractions as well as practicing addition, subtraction, and a bit of multiplication and division. They learn about plants and bugs playing out in the yard. My oldest has a strong interest in bugs especially. My three-year old loves to watch Dora and Diego and has become quite familiar with a number of different animal species. Granted, they don't cover all subject areas, but at this age, I like to let their interests direct them so that they continue to enjoy learning.
I have been very fortunate that my children all seem to have an aptitude for academics and an interest in them. As they've grown from toddlers to school-age children, their unique learning challenges have begun to surface. My oldest was a preemie and, as a result, has some significant motor skills delays. Writing is terribly difficult and tiring for her. She has sensory integration and processing difficulties which cause her to become easily distracted and bothered by the sights and sounds around her. I was very concerned about her ability to function in a normal classroom when she expressed a desire to attend school instead of continuing to home school this year. However, she has a kind and understanding teacher who has helped her learn to function in the classroom, and she is doing surprisingly well. In addition, she also receives various therapy services through the school that we were unable to afford privately. I was also concerned about her brother's ability and willingness to conform to classroom behavior when he decided he wanted to attend the charter school. He is very active, has difficulty not talking constantly, and is also easily distracted. His teacher has also been very successful at getting him to function in the classroom. Both kids are quite a bit ahead of their classmates academically, so their teachers are able to focus more on their behaviors knowing they can easily do their classwork.
I do still worry that if my children continue to attend school, they will become bored with the course work. I already see a little of that in my son, and he's only in kindergarten. I take comfort in knowing that when the time is right, we can begin to do full-time home school again. We have that choice. We are lucky to live in a place where we can home school without any interference from the government. However, there are dangers lurking on the horizon that threaten that freedom. Be ready and willing to fight for the right to choose how and where your children are educated. You are your child's best teacher and advocate. Know your options. Know your rights. Knowledge is power, and it is the best way to arm yourself against those who would take your rights away from you.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
We're Different - And That's Okay
Throughout the course of my life, I have blessed to know many people from diverse backgrounds and equally diverse beliefs and value systems. Some of them were quite passionate about their beliefs and some were quite vocal about them. Not all of those who were passionate about their beliefs were vocal about them; sometimes they were quite the opposite.
The happiest and most content people were those whose self understanding was well-rounded and complete. They knew who they were and what they stood for, and they were completely comfortable with their identities. So comfortable that they felt no need to advertise their identities like a neon sign around their necks. Nor did they feel threatened by differing, and even opposing, views held by others. They had come ot the realization that no one needs or can have 100% approval and acceptance by others. They did not attempt to force their point of view on others, nor did they allow others to force them to change their identity and beliefs. You could say that they agreed to disagree, as it were.
It seems tragic to me that our society has come to a point where so many people feel they have to limit their identity to a single facet of who they are to the point that their whole world revolves around that facet. I've begun to ponder what it would be like if everyone began to openly identify themselves in such a limited way. Imagine meeting a new person, and the first thing said is, "Hi. I'm a compulsive gambler. My name is John;" or perhaps, "Hi, I'm a transgender necrophiliac. My name is Lynn." I suppose we would all be rather uncomfortable with each other, or we would conversely be quite comfortable with just about everything. Sadly, however, everyone would become rather one-dimensional.
The differences between us are what make us unique and interesting individuals. Life would be quite boring if everyone was the same, sharing all the same beliefs, opinions, etc. The price we pay for being unique individuals is that we're not always going to agree, and we're not going to like everything about everyone we meet. That's okay. We can still like people we totally disagree with. For that matter, we might sometimes dislike people we largely agree with. Sometimes our point of view and beliefs will be in the extreme minority. That's okay, too, as long as we realize that we're not going to convert everyone else to our way of thinking.
Free agency allows us to choose our own paths through life. Our decisions bring consequences, both positive and negative. We may disagree with another's decision, but it was that person's decision to make. If I make a choice that my family disagrees with, I run the risk of damaging my relationship with my family. That is a consequence I have to be prepared to accept. It doesn't make their point of view on the subject any more or less valid than my own. I do not have to agree with their position, not do I need to apologize for mine. I must simply respect that it is their viewpoint and that neither of us is willing to change. Hopefully, they will be able to do the same, and in time, the relationship will heal from the hurt.
There have many attempts throughout history to compel people to share the same beliefs through the force of government. The effects of this are not to actually change people's beliefs, but to drive them to seek a place where they can live their lives according to their own dictates in peace and safety. Sometimes this means going underground. Sometimes it means leaving the land of their birth for another. It can even mean creating an immense facade around one's life to mask their true beliefs. In any case, government coercion has not changed what they believe, merely how open they are about it. Too often, we allow government to be involved in areas of our lives where it doesn't belong. Despite the attempts, no government has ever successfully legislated thoughts and beliefs.
Choose your own path through life and allow others to do the same. Everyone has unique circumstances no matter how similar they may seem. What works best for you may not be the best solution for someone else. We may not always agree, but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies. We can still respect and even love those we don't agree with. Peaceful coexistence begins one person at a time. Be that person.
The happiest and most content people were those whose self understanding was well-rounded and complete. They knew who they were and what they stood for, and they were completely comfortable with their identities. So comfortable that they felt no need to advertise their identities like a neon sign around their necks. Nor did they feel threatened by differing, and even opposing, views held by others. They had come ot the realization that no one needs or can have 100% approval and acceptance by others. They did not attempt to force their point of view on others, nor did they allow others to force them to change their identity and beliefs. You could say that they agreed to disagree, as it were.
It seems tragic to me that our society has come to a point where so many people feel they have to limit their identity to a single facet of who they are to the point that their whole world revolves around that facet. I've begun to ponder what it would be like if everyone began to openly identify themselves in such a limited way. Imagine meeting a new person, and the first thing said is, "Hi. I'm a compulsive gambler. My name is John;" or perhaps, "Hi, I'm a transgender necrophiliac. My name is Lynn." I suppose we would all be rather uncomfortable with each other, or we would conversely be quite comfortable with just about everything. Sadly, however, everyone would become rather one-dimensional.
The differences between us are what make us unique and interesting individuals. Life would be quite boring if everyone was the same, sharing all the same beliefs, opinions, etc. The price we pay for being unique individuals is that we're not always going to agree, and we're not going to like everything about everyone we meet. That's okay. We can still like people we totally disagree with. For that matter, we might sometimes dislike people we largely agree with. Sometimes our point of view and beliefs will be in the extreme minority. That's okay, too, as long as we realize that we're not going to convert everyone else to our way of thinking.
Free agency allows us to choose our own paths through life. Our decisions bring consequences, both positive and negative. We may disagree with another's decision, but it was that person's decision to make. If I make a choice that my family disagrees with, I run the risk of damaging my relationship with my family. That is a consequence I have to be prepared to accept. It doesn't make their point of view on the subject any more or less valid than my own. I do not have to agree with their position, not do I need to apologize for mine. I must simply respect that it is their viewpoint and that neither of us is willing to change. Hopefully, they will be able to do the same, and in time, the relationship will heal from the hurt.
There have many attempts throughout history to compel people to share the same beliefs through the force of government. The effects of this are not to actually change people's beliefs, but to drive them to seek a place where they can live their lives according to their own dictates in peace and safety. Sometimes this means going underground. Sometimes it means leaving the land of their birth for another. It can even mean creating an immense facade around one's life to mask their true beliefs. In any case, government coercion has not changed what they believe, merely how open they are about it. Too often, we allow government to be involved in areas of our lives where it doesn't belong. Despite the attempts, no government has ever successfully legislated thoughts and beliefs.
Choose your own path through life and allow others to do the same. Everyone has unique circumstances no matter how similar they may seem. What works best for you may not be the best solution for someone else. We may not always agree, but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies. We can still respect and even love those we don't agree with. Peaceful coexistence begins one person at a time. Be that person.
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