Contemplations

I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm having a midlife crisis, although crisis seems like a vast overstatement of the situation. I don't so much feel that I'm in crisis as much as I feel like I'm at a juncture or turning point. I've been examining some of my beliefs and trying to figure out just exactly what it is I believe. In doing so, I've uncovered a number of contradictions that I never really noticed before. I'm starting to think about my beliefs in a way I never have before and in a way that I think may have a lasting effect on my life. I think I may even be determining what my beliefs really are instead of just going with the things I've always been told or with a passing whim. It's proving to be an interesting journey at the very least.

While contemplating beliefs and such, I had a thought that, while I'd never claim to be the only one who's ever had it, I've never heard expressed before. I think it probably started stirring in my mind about Thanksgiving, but only more recently did it become a concise idea. I was listening to a radio program discussing some traditions of the Native Americans and ways they were attempting to keep these traditions alive and passed on to the next generations. I began to think of my own ancestors and realized that I have no ancestral culture or traditions which I could really claim. My ancestors were from many different places, and no traditions of any kind have been passed down through my family. There is no one land that I could claim as my ancestral home. In a strange way, I was envious of the Native Americans who can say, "I belong to a specific tribe. These were the ways of my ancestors. This is the land of my ancestors." What a wonderful connection to be able to have. I wish them success in retaining as much of the culture and beliefs as they can. For myself, I guess I will have to continue to search myself for my beliefs. Perhaps I will make some new traditions with my family that we can call our own even if they aren't tied to any particular culture or society. Maybe we will even discover traditions practiced in the lands of our ancestors that we would like to adopt.

As I sort through my beliefs and try to reconcile the contradictions, discarding those things which do not ring true, I will be doing my best to be the best person I can be. There are a number of things that I consider fundamental truths which seem to exist in most, if not all, belief systems I have seen. If I can do nothing else, I must be true to who I am, for I can be no one other than myself.